How to potty train your child – the FUN & stress-free way!

My daughter just turned 4 in March, and I think it’s time to really get down to business and potty train her for real. I have tried training her before shortly after her 2^nd & 3^rd birthdays, but both attempts failed miserably. She just could not get it. It completely stressed her out; she would wail and whine and scream while squatting/sitting on the potty I bought for her, crying her heart out “I can’t pee, mama”, “There’s nothing coming out”, “Why is this taking so long?” and many other heart wrenching pleas that I can’t remember.

There are plenty of books and plenty of articles out there saying how you can potty train your child in one day, one week or whatever. I read a lot of those articles on parenting and children websites saying that your child should be potty trained by 18 months old or 2 years old the latest, or your child could be behind on her development milestone. What I think is – if there’s no major physical limitation e.g. the child still can’t walk by the age of 3 – you can forget all those psychological bullshit. You are the mother of the child; you should know what’s best for your child and work around that principle.

So that’s what I thought. If she’s not ready, then she’s not ready. There’s no use pushing her until she screams her head off, both of us getting all stressed and achieving nothing in the end. I do have friends and relatives that comment that she’s too old to be wearing diapers anymore and how their child/grandchild/niece/nephew was potty trained before the age of 3. (This seems to be the gold standard. Any later that this means your child is a slacker.)

So I’m gonna do this my way.

Also, I’ve found out that the No 1, ultimate, essential tool in potty training.  

Not a very state-of-the-art potty, but very cute nonetheless.

A state-of-the-art potty trainer? It helps, but it’s not necessary. When your child is good and ready, she won’t even need a potty anymore.

The answer is:   Patience. Lots and lots of patience.

The process of potty training my daughter took about 1 ½ months, which is quite long compared to the “normal” toilet training as recommended by the parenting experts.

However, after the first two failed attempts at potty training, I abandoned all the knowledge I’ve gained from the parenting websites, magazines and books and asked my mother and my mother-in-law for tips. Both of them said the same thing; start by taking the child to the toilet every few hours. Okay, very logical. In fact I have tried this before, resulting in the heart wrenching screams.

How to push her to succeed without pushing

What I need is to do is motivate her without putting too much stress and pressure on her. It has to be fun, visual and seem to be a like game. And it can’t be chocolates, sweets or ice cream, all her favourite things.

The obvious solution is: Stickers. Kids LOVE stickers. And not just ordinary stickers. Special, squishy and glittery stickers, awarded only upon successful potty usage.

At first I bought a roll of colourful, smiley-face stickers that has motivation phrases on them, such as ‘Good Job!’, ‘Well Done!’ and ‘You’re a Star!’ on them. But they all look pretty much the same, and after a while, doesn’t seem so special anymore. So I bought other stickers in random shapes.

I searched for free potty training charts in the internet and printed 2 copies, one for my daughter and one for her younger brother. I didn’t want him to feel left out, so I let him play along too.

Then I thought of another visual motivational goal – a photo of my kids actually on the potty. So I printed out 2 copies of a child on the potty and superimposed their head shots on the child’s body.

The early days - my son wasn't actually potty training, but I had to give him some stickers too to avoid any hard feelings. :)

I also bought a packet of pull-up pants diapers for my daughter to get used to wearing. I pasted the two charts on the wall in their play room with the superimposed head shots above each chart.

Purpose? (Get her toilet trained.) Check.

Motivation? (The special stickers) Check.

Visual goal? (The chart & the super-imposed photo) Check.

Then I explained to my daughter how it works.

How it works

In the beginning, she will start wearing the pull-up pants. Every time she wants to pee, she needs to tell me or the maid that she needs to go, so either of us can help her take off her pants and sit her down on her potty. I also reminded my maid to ask her every two to three hours whether she wants to go to the toilet. Then I showed my daughter the ‘special’ stickers, telling her that I will keep them for her, so every time she succeeded using the potty, I’ll give her a sticker and she could paste it on her chart. 

To start the engines running, I gave her a first sticker for ‘free’. (I had to give one to my son too, because he was there listening. He’ll throw a fit if he sees his sister getting a sticker and he doesn’t.)

You should have seen how their little faces light up when they see the stickers! I didn’t have to wait long for results; she told me the next day that she succeeded going to the toilet. She was literally skipping and smiling to let me know she did it. Going to the toilet became such a fun thing to do! I praised her repeatedly for her achievements, with kisses, hugs and high-fives. 

 

At first, success came only once a day, then it increased to twice a day, and three times a day, and about 2 weeks later, her diaper stayed dry all day. So I decided that it was the ripe time to start losing the diaper.

Progress 1 – Losing the diaper

All carpets were rolled up and stashed away, just in case of any potty accidents. I put on a diaper on my daughter only when she took her afternoon nap. It went pretty well except for 2 accidents, both happened at home, when she was too engrossed playing and she totally forgot to go to the toilet. It’s really hard to stay calm when such accidents happened, especially when you just get home from work, all grumpy and tired, or when you’ve just finished cleaning up the house, as one friend told me. Remember that no 1 tool? Patience, patience – and if you feel like screaming at the top of your lungs – more patience.

Progress 2 – Losing the diaper while travelling

When my daughter stayed dry at home and was accident free, the next step was to not wear diapers when travelling outside the house. I kept asking her every hour if she needed to pee, and she kept saying no in a really confident way. She also had to learn to make do with any toilet available, whether we were in shopping malls or a relative’s house. At first she felt a little icky of shopping malls’ toilets which were, admittedly, less-than-spotlessly-clean, but after a few times, she didn’t just care anymore.

Progress 2 – Losing the diaper during afternoon naps & moving on to the “big” job

Her bladder control is getting better, as I began to notice that she did not pee at all during her afternoon naps. So I decided to try not diapering her while she napped. I’m happy to report that no accidents occurred other than the first two I mentioned previously. 

Even better, she has even started to poop in the toilet. Previously whenever she wants to poop, she would ask to put on her diaper pants and poop in it. So whenever she did successfully poop in the toilet, I would give her extra stickers. I’d say this is a great achievement for my daughter, since she used to have bouts of constipation that left her traumatic to even sit on the toilet.

So many stickers that the chart can't fit them all! I didn't show my son's chart as there wasn't much change, anyway. 

All in all – a learning experience

My daughter still wears her night diaper and I haven’t started on the night toilet training yet, which would be another challenge. But it was such a fun and relaxing method, I didn’t mind the slowness of progress at all. Rather than setting my standards on my daughter i.e. you must be toilet trained in 3 days, I let her set her own learning pace, even at 4 years of age.

It was an educational journey, for both my daughter and me. Of course she learned how to go to the toilet on her own and all that, but the most important lesson here is independence. She also learned that to get the reward, she needs to earn it. She learns to appreciate the reward, because she has achieved it on her own. The chart is a visual proof which shows her achievements and encourages her to improve, without putting on any pressure.

I feel that I got to know my daughter’s personality better during this process. Her emotions are quite volatile, in the sense that when she’s happy, she chatters endlessly and sings all day long. But at a moment’s notice, that could flip right into a screaming fest of emotional outbursts. I’ve learned when to back off and chill when it’s not working and accept the fact that my daughter will not be able to toilet train in 3 days, and that doesn’t make her, or myself, a failure.

Breathe, stay calm and try again another day.

If you’re getting all stressed up & hot and bothered at how your child just can’t get the hang of using the potty just yet, relax and take heart. I promise you she won’t go to college in diapers.

BENEFITS OF A PLAYGROUP

I’ve been sending my 3 year old daughter, Aliah to a nearby playgroup, ALIMKids, for about 6 months now. The playgroup is held on Saturday mornings, perfect for working parents like me. Despite the belief that playgroups are for stay-at-home parents to be able to get together with other parents with their children in tow, my ultimate reason of sending my daughter to a playgroup is for her to socialize with other kids her age. As she stays at home with her little brother and my maid all week long, I thought it would be good for her social skills, besides the fun things she could do and learn at the playgroup.

As my kids age gap are quite close (their birthdays are 20 months apart), the sibling rivalry is pretty intense i.e. a lot of fighting and bickering and pushing, and of course, bawling. The playgroup actually teaches my daughter to share things, take turns at doing something and learn some manners and the appropriate behavior with her friends. In turn, she teaches her little brother how to share. It’s really funny to see them ‘sharing’ a toy; they weren’t even playing, they just keep passing the toy back and forth to each other!

As a working parent, I have to admit, it’s difficult to find time to do activities with your kids by yourself. Just imagining myself sitting with them, painting and scribbling, gives me a headache. Because they definitely won’t sit down quietly; they’ll bicker over the crayons or paints, or even worse, run around the house and mess up the walls, sofas and the tv! A child may not be allowed to use scissors or make messes at home, but painting, scribbling, cutting, gluing and messes are definitely encouraged at playgroups.

Activities like these are best supervised by parents, but knowing the busy moms nowadays, who would have the time to play all day when you have cleaning and cooking and laundry to do? At playgroups, the playtime is somewhat structured; you sing first, then do some crafts, then you put away the crafts and do some physical play, then finally a group reading. When it’s time for the next activity, the children would clean up to get ready for the next task. For example, when a child wants to keep on colouring, she sees her friends cleaning up and gathering around the teacher to read a book, she quickly cleans up too, not wanting to be left behind. It’s like the children are automatically conscious of their peers, making them want to blend in, do the same things together, conform to each other and work as a team.

It’s kinda funny, but I myself look forward to these Saturday playgroups, which means exclusive bonding time spent with my daughter. This exclusive time is pretty scarce, as both my kids are endlessly fighting for my attention (sounds flattering, I know. But believe me, it’s a lot of headache.). It’s nice to be able to focus on her alone, see her play and sing and scribble. This one hour is also like a break for me from things, stuff, tasks – to do at home.

Here are some of the activities they do at the playgroup, which are mostly group reading, craft play, alphabets, singing and some physical play.

Group reading

Singing and dancing with body movements

Messy crafts such as finger painting

Playhouse

Even birthday celebrations

Making music

Lots and lots of colouring

Ribbon play

A special activity done by ALIMKids – Parachute play

The truth is, I’ve never seen a parachute play before encountering this playgroup. So I feel that it’s worth a brief explanation in itself.

Benefits of Parachute Play

• Encourages cooperation, teamwork and creates a group awareness
• Non-competitive - Differing abilities and even differing ages are non-issue. It focuses on playing, not winning
• Refines perceptual skills - Reinforces turn-taking/ sharing
• Develops a sense of rhythm - Requires following directions
• Promotes social interaction - Enhances language development
• Delightful imaginative play – encouraging role play such as pirates, princess or treasure hunter

Sources:

www.squidoo.com,

www.childcarelounge.com

Finally, graduation!

I highly recommend enrolling your kids to a playgroup like this. It’s a fun and great social environment plus informal learning for your child. It’s also a great bonding experience for you and your child. What’s not to love?

Considering cloth diapers?

Photo courtesy of www.swapmamas.com

Let’s face it, raising a child is expensive, let alone two, three, four children. I’m sure for most parents, the bulk of spending for children would go to formula and diapers. The next bulk of spending would go to others such as childcare, clothing, toys and food.

So wouldn’t you like to save some cents anywhere, so you can spend it on yourself? (Or more clothes or toys for your kids, it’s your choice, really.) But like other methods of saving money, there is always a need of some effort on your side. Trying to save on food and meals? Buy groceries and cook at home. Of course, food preparation and the cleaning afterwards is a pain, but it saves more money than eating out. If you’re tired of the endless mountain of laundry i.e. washing, hanging, drying, folding and ironing, you could always send them straight to a laundry shop. Just pay them, and you’re done. But do this every week for the family’s whole dirty laundry including kids’ clothes, you’ll be broke within the month. Summary: convenience costs money. And it isn’t always the best choice.

So let’s talk about cloth diapers. So what’s good about them?

ComfortPhoto courtesy of www.jardinediapers.com

Cloth diapers are made from natural, breathable fabrics, such as velour, bamboo, microfleece and cotton knits. Did you notice that most kids’ clothing is made from cotton? Why? Because it’s the most comfortable, that’s why! Even disposable diapers are trying to imitate this cloth softness by saying in their adverts, “Cotton-like softness”. And while we’re talking about diapers, what kind of underwear do you wear daily? (Please exclude the late night romps where you wear silk and satin.) Cloth undies, not paper or plastic. ‘Nuff said.

Wallet friendly

A good investment may need an expensive initial cash outlay, but in the long run, is more economical. Cloth diapers may be used again and again, until it basically tears whereas disposables, as the name suggest, is a single-use item. Below is a cost comparison between a cloth diaper, an average price disposable diaper and an expensive disposable diaper, using the assumption for 1 child per family, going through 6 diaper changes in one day for 3 years, the average age where a child is fully toilet trained.

Environmental friendly

Disposable diapers make up the third largest group of waste after newspapers and food & beverage containers, and they take around 200-500 years to decompose. Also, did you notice some small printed instructions at the bottom of the disposable diapers packaging for parents to dump solid waste into the toilet and flush it? I didn’t know it myself, until my first born child was around 7 or 8 months old, informed to me by my mom! (I apologize to you, Mother Earth for my blissful ignorance.) Bearing that in mind, the human poop is thrown into our landfills where it can leach into the groundwater and possibly, spread disease. (Now I’m feeling really guilty. Can you see my face turning red? I could’ve started an epidemic! Oh my God!)

Healthier baby

Back in the days when everyone wears cloth diapers, babies hardly ever gets diaper rash. My mom told me that the diaper rash creams don’t even exist. Like I mentioned earlier, cloth is breathable and keeps a baby cooler. Disposables contain chemicals such as sodium polyacrylate to absorb moisture. As cloth diapers do not have these chemicals, they naturally absorb less. This would mean more diaper change, which is more work for us. But this is a good thing, because of this, babies in cloth diapers are cleaner compared to babies in disposables who end up sitting in their pee longer. Good, right?

Cloth diaper is easier than it used to be

The traditional white cloth “napkin” as my mom used to call them, has to be changed every time the baby pees, as the cloth gets soaking wet. So you can imagine how many cloths does a baby use up every day, around 10 to 20, I guess.

Photo courtesy of www.scientificamerican.com

But the modern cloth diaper has transformed far much better than its predecessor. In defense of cloth diapers, they are softer, cuter and works just like a disposable. They are very easy to use and to care for. You don’t even have to use a clothes brush. Just pour some baby clothes detergent and some water, rub them together or knead on them like you’re kneading bread dough until it’s clean, rinse it and you’re done! If you’re even lazier, just rinse of all the pee and poop under running water, put them in a laundry net (so that your diapers last longer) and wash them in a washing machine like you wash normal clothes.

And most of them are one size diaper now – meaning the cloth diaper is adjustable when the baby grows. Some of them use snap buttons, more are using Velcro for ease of use.

You don’t have to abandon disposable diapers totally. You could still use them in situations where you absolutely do not have the time to wash cloth diapers and where water is not readily accessible such as:

• Disaster – floods, earthquakes and such
• Emergency – in case of premature birth, accidents etc
• Hospital stays – especially if the mom is being hospitalized. I don’t think most dads would want to do any diaper washing. (No offense, dads.)
• Vacation or travels – I personally use disposables when travelling because I don’t want to bring dirty diapers around with me, and then needing to wash them when I just got back home, all tired.

I wish I have a nicely organized collection like this.

Photo courtesy of www.clothdiapermalaysia.com

Mine is more like this.
And this.

These are the inserts. A few more were still hanging to dry.

I’ve been using them daily for about 8 months now for both my children, so they were yellowing a little bit. They need a good stripping, and they’ll look as good as new.

I forgot to take photos of my kids wearing cloth diapers. I just have one of my boy wearing it. He was playing with Daddy.

Please excuse the mess at the back. It was a lazy Saturday morning, so cleaning up comes much later.

I bought mine from a good friend from her blog http://simpledimplestore.blogspot.com/. A very good deal indeed. I needed about 30 diapers to go round for 2 kids, so I was just looking for average priced ones. There were a lot more cuter designs at a slightly higher price, go and have a look!

All in all, the cloth diapers have saved me a whole lot of money. As I use disposables only when we go out and travelling, usually on weekends, I buy them about a large pack for each my daughter and my son every 4 or 5 months. But I still use disposables for night use, as I can’t wake up every 2 or 3 hours to check on wet cloth diapers. I’m already lacking sleep. Do that, and I won’t be able to wake up in the morning. Or I can wake up, but I’ll be cranky as hell. And nobody likes a cranky mom.

Sources:

www.diapernet.org

www.zany-zebra.com

www.wisegeek.com

Pretty snapshots – just SnapIt!

I’m currently thinking of decorating/organizing my kids’ bedroom. Technically, they don’t sleep there, but all their stuff i.e. clothes, toys, diapers and everything else is in this room. Right now, all their toys are dumped in one basket that I bought in Ikea.

Oh, that was more than a year ago. Currently, the basket is threatening to burst at the seams from endless number of toys, knick and knacks, plastic spoons, broken trains and alphabets, even my husband’s old hand phone case that you can clip on the belt. I think my maid just dumps everything that the kids play with into the basket, deeming them as ‘toys’.

I would love to have a play room like this. (Note the “I”, not “I’m sure the kids would love this”. We moms do tend to go overboard.)

Or this.

And I would love to organize my overflowing bookshelf from this.

(Please excuse the baby, she doesn't know how she got herself up there.)

To this.
All room inspiration photos from

Oh, you must be wondering how I got those photos nicely clipped. If you look at them carefully, they were snapshot photos. You know, using the Print Screen button on your keyboard and pasting them on a paint file or MS Word. Only I’m using something specialer than that. (I mean more special, of course.)

A few days ago, I got an email from Digeus, Inc asking me to review this software of theirs, called SnapIt. It’s something similar like using the Print Screen button. But the best thing about it is, unlike the Print screen button where you have to paste it on a paint file on MS Word and save it under a new name, it works like a camera, where you just click, and it saves the photo automatically. All you have to do is change the settings at the Properties menu. Very convenient!

You can paste the snapshot in MS Word, Photoshop, or Paint and create a new document or modify it anyway you like. Or, my favourite feature, you can save it as an image file in BMP, GIF, JPEG, PNG or TIFF formats. Pretty cool, eh?

I personally find this software very simple, easy to use and highly convenient. Sometimes I find certain parts or photos in a web page that I would like to save, and I would save the whole page. It does get a little tedious to scroll down particularly long web pages that end forever, which is annoying when I need to find it urgently. Now I can just choose which part I want to save, and click!

I tried snapping it at a video in YouTube and got a crystal clear snapshot.

Want to know more about SnapIt? Go to its website here.

Pneumonia and Bronchitis in babies

Courtesy of www.earaymundo.com

I’ve had a number of sleepless nights for almost two weeks now. It’s because my daughter has been coughing vigorously in her sleep and vomits out milk that she just drank hours ago. (A few days ago, it was rice with fish and some vegetables and bean sprouts. She must have swallowed them whole.) As I’m a rather light sleeper, I’d usually wake up when she starts to cough that kind of deep, belly cough filled with phlegm and mucus, just in case she vomits. Usually I get up from bed and out of the room to get a spare plastic basin for her to vomit in. Or just in the nick of time, like last night, I stopped in the middle of my prayers and put my hand in front of her mouth to catch her vomit, so minimal amount of vomit spills onto her cot. This has happened several times, in bed, in the car or pretty much anytime I noticed her coughing. Yesterday and this morning, I arrived at the office with my hand smelling of vomit.

When this kind coughing spells hit, I would of course, consequently sleep less smoothly. I noticed that my daughter is quite sensitive to certain kind of foods i.e. cold food like puddings cold drinks, oily food like fried fish crackers, even some types of tropical fruit. Her coughing would start that very night after she consumed such foods. Incidentally, she’s quite prone to catch colds and coughs infection, because she goes to a nursery where there are a lot of kids. (This is one very well-known disadvantage of sending your child to a children day-care centre.) It’s unlikely that a day-care centre with two or three caregivers to monitor very strict cleanliness of ten to fifteen toddlers at the same time. And it’s quite certain, that when one kid gets sick, others would get catch the virus pretty quickly.

The diagnosis

My daughter was diagnosed with pneumonia once, when she was around 10 months old and had to be hospitalized for three days. (The doctor asked to stay for another two days, but we politely declined. We promised to give her medicine and all that.) How the pediatrician diagnosed her was pretty much by the text book; he watched how she breathed and listened to her lungs with a stethoscope for her breathing patterns sounds and any abnormality. He mentioned that she breathed more rapidly to take in more oxygen because of the mucus in her lungs. And because babies do not know how to spit out the phlegm, she simply swallows them back into her lungs, causing an infection. After looking at my daughter’s chest x-rays, he confirmed it pneumonia and asked us to register her into the hospital ward.

The symptoms

It all started with the coughing and high fever, which are the main symptoms of pneumonia. She was certainly coughing hard until she usually vomits, and her temperature went up to 41 degree Celsius. Her breathing was quickened, she refuses to drink her milk, sometimes drinking only once a day and she was very weak, she keeps lying down and slept by herself. (If you knew how very hyperactive she is, then you’ll know that this is VERY rare.)

Difference between pneumonia and bronchitis

Bronchitis is an infection of the bronchial tubes. Pneumonia is an infection of the lungs. Bronchitis is a less severe form of pneumonia, but it will develop into pneumonia if left unchecked. Both illnesses have common symptoms and are caused by either these two reasons; bacteria or virus.

Courtesy of www.thingamababy.com

Treatment

If it is caused by virus, the main treatment would be lots of rest and consuming plenty of liquids, to fight dehydration from the rapid breathing and fever. You can try a cool mist humidifier in the room to combat the dryness in the air that’s causing her to cough. (FYI, air-conditioning is very drying, not only to the skin, but also to the throat.)

If it is caused by bacteria like what my daughter had, she was given antibiotics and other medications though a needle in her hand, which is more effective than consuming them orally. She was also give some nasal medication to dry up her runny nose and at times, fitted with an oxygen mask to help ease her breathing. And of course, lots of fluid and rest is essential to any sick child.

Prevention

Some ways of upping her chances to stay healthy are:

• Keep her vaccinations up to date as this helps to ward off many illnesses that can lead to pneumonia and bronchitis, such as measles. In Malaysia, taking up chicken pox and pneumococcal vaccines is not part of the normal routine vaccination schedules, but my daughter’s pediatrician did recommend it. It’s more expensive, by the way.
• Practicing good hygiene is important too. Frequent hand-washing prevent the spreading of germs and bacteria. But as you probably know, it’s impossible to keep watch on your child every second of the day. Sharing cups, plates and utensils spreads germs easily too, so that’s why kids at day care centres get sick more easily. My point is, try to be clean as humanely possible, but please not to the extent of contracting obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
• Try to maintain the home smoke-free. Ask any person or guests who smokes to do it outside. Studies have shown that children who live around cigarette smoke get sick more frequently and are more susceptible to pneumonia, upper respiratory infections and asthma. What better reason to quit smoking than to have healthy children?
• On a personal note, take notice on any factors that could make your child sick, e.g. how eating oily or cold food can start coughing bouts for my daughter. When family members offer such foods, politely decline. This could prove to be difficult too, as my daughter would want to try to eat anything she sees. So if we don’t her to want to eat, better to hide it in the first place.

Although prevention is better, I must say it’s rather impossible to totally keep pneumonia out the door. Babies and young toddlers are highly prone to bronchitis and pneumonia as their immune systems are weak and are still developing. And for me, it’s rather unrealistic to keep tabs on every single food that passes through her little hands. Kids are explorers, after all. So just do your best to protect your child.

Sources: www.babycenter.com, www.gurgle.co.uk, www.tenderbabycare.com

Food fights

Courtesy of www.veer.com

I sometimes dread weekends when I have stay home with my daughter, like the last one when my husband worked all weekend so I was stuck at home alone with her. It’s not like I don’t like spending time with her, I do, really. My only free time would be when she takes her naps in the morning, which is when I’ll cook the day’s lunch cum dinner, and the afternoon nap, which is when I’ll take a shower, perform my prayers, and finally, take a breather and take a nap myself, or watch a movie as I fold the laundry.

As my daughter just despises being alone, it’s quite difficult to do some housework with her tailing me around and wailing for something she wants to put in her mouth but I won’t let her i.e. talcum powder, my J.Lo sample body lotion, pens, wet wipes, pieces of biscuits she ate this morning, coins if we weren’t careful. The thing is, she knew we wouldn’t let her put stuff in her mouth. Sometimes I catch her in the act and quickly she hides behind the laundry basket, as if I couldn’t see her. And when I take it away from her, she’ll yell herself hoarse like I just tortured her, the baddest mom on the planet. Oooh… this daughter of mine is quite a handful, I tell you.

And that’s not even the main reason why I dread weekends alone with my precious little one. The number one reason is that I simply don’t know what to feed her! No, let me rephrase that. I don’t know WHAT she likes to eat. Every Saturday morning, I’ll flip through the pages of recipe books and magazines that feature food for toddlers and kids to find something that I think she’ll like, but then she’ll eat about three or four spoonfuls, and then pronouncing loudly with a affirmative headshake, “Nanak” which I think means “No thanks, mom, I think I’ve had enough now.” I think I’ve cooked up a pretty decent meal, which in the beginning, she wants to eat so enthusiastically, I would literally hold my breath to see how much she would eat. Not much, it turned out to be. It’s weird how she really likes some food for one day, and then totally hates it the next day. I mean, if you like chicken, you won’t mind eating it often, don’t you?

Then I start to wonder, is my cooking really THAT bad? My husband and brother find them eatable, so what’s the problem here? Her caregivers at her nursery keeps saying that she eats a lot, drinks a lot of milk, pooping twice, sometimes 3 times a day. Every time I pick her up from her nursery, I could really feel her weight from all that food she ate, her little round tummy protruding her t-shirts comfortably well. Then it hit me; she likes company. She always wants a bite of what we’re eating, be it curry, fish, spicy fried chicken or fruits, and she seems to eat more when we’re eating together. So now I try to feed her whatever we eat, as long as it’s not too spicy and not too oily. But her wacky eating behaviours still drive me crazy sometimes. Especially when she purposely drops her food onto the floor (after I just vacuumed the house) or she puts her tongue out and lets her food drip down her chin.

Then of course, I read up some info about toddler nutrition and fussy eaters from the Master of All Sources of Information, the Internet. To my relief, it seems my daughter’s eating habits are perfectly normal for toddlers around the world. The main thing to do for moms is, to stay calm and relax. Easier said than done. Okay, here’s a summary of main points to remember:

Courtesy of www.goodhousekeeping.com

• Refusing foods is actually an important sign of growing up, as it is the first ways of how toddlers assert their independence. So even though it may drive you up the wall, it’s a healthy developmental milestone for your child.
• If your child is old enough, try to involve him in food decisions. Provide him with a healthy range of options of foods. Chances are, he’ll be more likely to eat food that he chose for himself.
• Whenever possible, try to eat together as a family to encourage your child to eat, which is the case with my daughter. She loves company! This is why, I think, she eats more at her nursery. The more, the merrier.
• Prepare some finger foods so your child can eat some food by themselves, such as pieces of fruit, vegetables, fish, chicken or potatoes, crackers with cheese or little sausages. Mix them up in a variety of colours to make the meal interesting like, carrots, peas, fish, potatoes and pieces of papaya on a yellow plate. But be ready to brace yourself if your child flips it over to the floor.
• If they spit out their food or protest, don’t punish or yell, but try to smile and take away their food and wait for the next mealtime. This is a real challenge for me, especially when she purposely throws her food onto the floor. But I’ll try and paste a smile on my face next time.
• Try, try and try again. Just like my daughter’s whims, children’s likes and dislikes change all the time. She might not like it the first time, but she might like them the 15th time. So don’t lose heart too quickly.
• Just like us adults, there some things that children just do not want to eat. I don’t eat seafood, bean sprouts and tofu, despite my husband’s saying they are delicious, so who am I to complain? So give in gracefully, and nobody’s left in tears.

If all else fails, just take her plate and chow down the food yourself. At least it doesn’t go to waste.

How to cope with two

Courtesy of www.autonomoussource.com

I’m currently 5 and ½ months pregnant, and somewhat apprehensive about the soon-coming of our second baby. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for this gift; God must have known that I could handle this. But I’m not so sure! My last pregnancy was 15 months ago, but it couldn’t have felt more different than the first time around. I am much more tired than before, having to put up with Aliah, who’s pretty much still a baby herself. All the tantrums, the mess, the running here and there, I’m left breathless with an aching back most of the time.

My husband surprisingly asked me the other day “Are all babies really this messy? Or is it just our daughter?” after Aliah successfully got herself smeared in rice, fish and crackers. Not to mention the mess within a meter radius around her high chair. No, make that two meters. I was like come on, how can you expect a baby to be clean and tidy all the time, I mean at any time? To babies, mess equals fun! I tried to comfort my husband by saying that in the midst of all the mess, she’s actually learning something. “I don’t care what she’s learning, I just vacuumed the house!” Okay, time to shut up.

But really, we’re both up in our wits to the max, how in the world are we going to handle another bundle of mess-making, tantrum-yelling, poop-producing joy? I simply cannot imagine. Oh, I can imagine the state of the house then, but I can’t imagine how I’m going to keep myself from going insane when I’m already at the verge of insanity and tears.

Okay, okay, you might think that I’m exaggerating this a little. There are millions of people in the world who have more than one child. But it’s little hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you already feel like you’re at the end of your patience most of the time. I mean, parenting is hard work. Literally. I still go through some not-so-smooth-sleep nights now that Aliah’s 15 months old. So how’s it going to be when the baby arrives, won’t I be able to sleep a wink? (Like I’ve mentioned before, sleep is a luxury to tired and energy-starved moms.) Sometimes I can’t even go to the toilet in peace, with Aliah wailing outside the door. (She usually wails in despair whenever she sees me leaving her.) Again, the nervousness and anxiety pops in. Can I be a good mother to both of them? What if I turn out to favour one of them? I’ve already poured so much love into Aliah, will I be able to love them equally?

Then I accidentally came across this article on coping with two and helping siblings to bond in Babycentre UK. It talks about how to prepare your toddler for the baby, how to treat them as individuals and not to compare them, how to teach the older sister or brother to help care and love the younger sibling and of course, that sibling rivalry will happen, to a certain degree. It even mentioned that some experts say that sibling rivalry is an opportunity for our children to learn the skills they’ll need in their future relationships. Have a read, it might put some worries at ease for second-time parents.

As for me, some skepticism still remains. I’ve learned by experience that parenthood is nothing like what’s mentioned in books. But don’t worry too much, it’ll definitely be the greatest adventure you’ll ever have.

How to save with a baby in tow

Courtesy of www.economicpopulist.org

I found this article in TheNestBaby a while back, before I had my first daughter. But I’ve modified it a bit with what little experience I have. Let’s face it, having a baby is expensive and can really break the bank, if you splurge on every single thing. (If you’re filthy rich like the Beckhams, who am I to complain? Do as you please, madam.) But most of us, I believe are average or slightly above average income earners, who would to love to spend wisely and save more for that dream house/car/vacation/whatever. Money doesn’t grow from trees, you know. So just have a look at this list, it may be worth a little of your time.

Buy gear and clothes from department stores.

Department stores are often full of great maternity and baby clothes as well as gear and furniture. I bought two maternity jeans at Jusco for RM130 (one jeans and one slim pants) which look like the expensive ones in Modernmum, if you don’t look too closely. I would have considered buying secondhand stuff, but my sister gave us her wooden baby cot and old carseat, so we already saved a lot there.

Borrow a bassinet (or skip it altogether).

Most bassinets can only be used until baby starts rolling over, so try to find one that you can borrow for those few weeks. We didn’t buy any for this same reason. I kinda regretted buying the baby bouncer too, because my daughter used it only until she was 5-6 months old. But we’re gonna use it for the second baby, so that’s ok, I guess.

Hold off.

If you aren’t sure which products will work best for baby (especially with bottles, pacifiers, even diapers), buy the minimum to start with, then stock up once you know baby’s preferences. We tried buying a cheaper brand of diapers, but my daughter developed rashes. So we stashed them away and might try our luck with the next baby.

Limit the tests.

Not pregnant yet? Buy three (and no more than three) pregnancy tests to keep on hand. If you have a larger supply, you’re likely to wind up with a trash can full of them, because like me, I couldn’t quite believe my eyes when I discovered I was pregnant for the second time (it was totally unexpected!). If I had 10 tests, I would’ve used them all up to my heart’s content.

Go easy on the starter diapers.

Start with only one pack of newborn diapers. Baby may not even fit into them at the start, and he’ll grow fast. I wasted an almost full packet of size S diapers because my daughter outgrew them. So I gave them to a friend who just had her baby, at least someone else benefitted from that mistake.

Breastfeed for as long as possible.

Not only breast milk is best for baby, the cost of formula adds up, really. (My main reason to breastfeed is to save money, but the bonding and cuddling is a great bonus.) Even though I didn’t breastfeed exclusively, breast milk makes up about 90% of my daughter’s diet, so we saved A LOT. So when I weaned her off after her first birthday when discovering I was pregnant again, we really felt the cost of formula. But I’m gonna do it all over again in 5 months time, so I’m going to enjoy this break as much as possible.

Pump.

You might need to invest in a good, rather expensive breastpump. But it’s totally worth the money, trouble and time when you see your baby healthier than the formula feeding babies, not needing to buy 5 cans of formula a month, not worrying on your baby’s compatibility to the formula, thus saving on medical costs.

Formula feeding? Ask for samples.

Be sure to head home from the hospital with samples (some now only give them upon request), and ask for samples at each visit to the pediatrician. We got lucky when my daughter’s pediatrician gave us a small can of formula instead of packets of samples. So don’t be shy - it never hurts to ask. Also, sign up as members for several types of formulas, they give you free samples as well. We got even luckier when a friend of mine got a job at Nestle, so I bought lots of formula from her using her staff discount. Yeay!

Buy a convertible crib.

A crib that converts into a toddler bed will definitely save you some cash over the years. We got lucky again here. Like I said earlier, my sister gave to me her old wooden baby cot she bought 12 years ago, complete with a mattress, a set of bedding and cot bumper. They are a little aged of course, but are still in good quality. My daughter sleeps in it until now. Later my brother gave me a travel playpen, and we got an attachable crib for a free gift when we bought the breastpump. So we won’t need to buy any cribs, ever. A real money-saver.

Do your homework!

Research is essential to make sure you know which products give you the most bang for your buck. I spent a lot of time on the Net searching for warehouse sales so I could buy at cheaper prices.

Get mom (or aunt, or MIL…) to babysit.

Family can quickly turn into your most valuable childcare resource. I’m sure grandparents would love to spend some time with their grandchildren too, so this is a win-win situation.

Buy in bulk.

You know you’ll need lots of some things (like wipes, shampoo and baby wash). If you have the storage space, stock up to save cash. Stock up on diapers and formula only when your baby’s suitable to them. During the early days, test out a few brands with your baby until you’re sure she’s compatible to it, in order to avoid waste.

Make your own baby food.

When baby starts to eat solids, toss cooked veggies into the blender with a bit of liquid, and save the meals in ice trays -- the money you’ll save makes it worth the extra effort. I cooked a two or three days batch of chicken and fish porridge to take to her nursery. My daughter never really like the boxed up baby food, anyway.

Forget the comforter.

Since baby won’t actually USE it, it isn’t really necessary. In fact, now my daughter would kick off her blanket when I cover her up. She even takes off her socks when she has the chance. And we have an air conditioner in the room. Now I use the comforter as her mattress padding.

Get crafty.

DIY projects take time, but they save cash, and add fun personal touches. Try making a baby mobile , as it’s pretty easy and it won’t be used for a long time. (You should remove it when the baby can stand up on her own, as you don’t want her to put them in the mouth and get choked, or get tangled up in the strings.) I love Make Baby Stuff, Instructables and Ehow.

Forget the fancy toys.

Baby will be content with smaller price tags or no-brands toys (or spoons, pans, and cardboard boxes, for that matter). Most of the time, parents (like us) are the ones more excited about buying toys for their kids. When we celebrated her first birthday, she got lots of toys too, so that saves a lot.

Go without a changing table.

Changing tables are expensive and can be dangerous, especially if you have a non-stop wiggling baby like mine. Instead, top the dresser with a changing pad and add a few wall shelves for storage. I changed her on our bed until now. But I’ve got to be more watchful so she won’t jump off the bed by accident. Better still, put a mattress or padding on the floor.

Cook.

Eating out, ordering in, and frozen meals can eat up a lot of cash. I try to cook when I’m not too tired, just simple, two-dishes meal. But then I’ll contract my husband to clean up as I’ll be too exhausted, haha.

Search for sales.

Find a product you love? Hold your horses. Shopping around for a better price can help you save enough for future splurges, especially when buying an expensive item that you intend to use for a long time. We spent quite some money for the breastpump, but I intend to use it for all our kids to come. And did I mention that we got a free gift of an attachable crib worth RM600?

Check out online sites.

There are a lot of forums and blogs selling secondhand and gently used baby stuff. Some that I know of are MumCentre Malaysia, Baiboo, SusuIbu and http://tiabarney.blogspot.com/. Some even offer stuff for rent such as Ibu who rents out car seats, travel cots and breastpumps. My friend told me of Toys-4-rent and Playlend for toys that are available for rental.

Get convertible gear.

Like with furniture, items such as a car seat or stroller that grow with baby can prove invaluable, even though you might need to spend a considerable amount up front. Of course, good quality, long wearing stuff are rarely cheap. Unless you know where to look.

Don’t buy lots of shoes.

I know baby shoes are adorable, especially girl shoes. Just for fun, check out Heelarious, they sell soft high heeled shoes for babies 0-6 months of age. Well yeah, they are absolutely cute. But I’d rather spend USD35 on formula and diapers than buying shoes that she can’t even wear to walk! Before baby is walking (and some would argue the same for a while after), shoes won’t really be necessary. Socks will do to keep those tootsies warm.

Take care of your own physical and mental health.

Keeping mommy (and daddy) sane and healthy can help you save on medical expenses. But if your company covers your medical bills like mine does, I guess you can allow yourself go crazy once in a while. In a good way, I mean.

Buy generic and less expensive brands.

Does baby’s label really make a difference? She’ll only be in that onesie for a few months, so resist the urge to splurge. All of my daughter’s clothing cost less than RM20, even the party dresses, cause I bought those at a warehouse sale. Most of her daily day-wear cost around RM5-RM10. You’ll get nice, expensive dresses from grandmas and aunts, don’t worry.

Baby proof.

Prepping your home to prevent accidents can help you save on medical costs (not to mention stress!), even though you’ll take some time to open the drawer or door yourself. But hey, better to be safe than sorry, right?

Get a belly band.

This awesome invention (a stretchy band you wear around your waist) will keep you in your pre-pregnancy pants much longer, saving money on maternity clothes. Check out Belly Belt from MamaParadise.

Wait on the maternity clothes until you really need them.

Ignore the urge to buy maternity clothes just because you’re excited about being pregnant. I could wear my roomier clothes up to 7 months before needing to wear maternity tops, so I didn’t buy a lot. Better still, I bought transitional maternity tops that can be used for breastfeeding so I can still wear them after the birth. Check out these sites for nursing tops, MamaParadise, Butik My-Dreams and FabulousMom.

Save baby’s clothes for future siblings.

This is pretty obvious, isn’t it? So even we get a boy this time, he’ll be wearing pink baby suits and flowery caps, I guess. I’m sure he won’t mind. Unless I show him his baby pictures when he’s older.

Try working from home.

I know lots of moms are able to balance part-time work with caring for baby, and I’d love to be able to do this in the next few years. This way you don’t lose money to childcare AND you bring in some extra earnings. For the time being, I’m working on it.

Get good insurance BEFORE you conceive.

Make sure you know your provider’s policies before getting pregnant, and be absolutely sure that you’re covered -- there are laws against considering pregnancy a "pre-existing condition," but the law contains several loopholes that could hinder your prenatal coverage, particularly if you are switching from one individual plan to another or from a group health plan to an individual plan. I don’t know about this, though. We still haven’t bought any insurance plans yet. But we have plans of doing so, in the near future. Still planning on it.

Lose weight before getting pregnant.

Obesity increases medical expenses and increase risks of complications. Even better, keep fit throughout the pregnancy, so you won’t have to go to slimming centres after the birth to slim down. Think of that as a last, hopefully-not-needed, desperate resort.

Consider cloth diapers.

I really admire moms that can commit to cloth diapers, because I just can’t face all that mountain of laundry. Not only you’ll save a lot, but it’s better for the environment too, as disposable diapers take forever to decompose. But, ermm, I’ll stick to disposables for now.

Donate or sell your toys and old gear.

Help other people save or get a toy they would have never had at cheaper prices, by donating or having a garage sale. Or if you have loads of stuff, you can start your rental service and rake in some cash.

Buy washable nursing pads.

Okay, so the disposable ones aren’t so expensive, but you’ll still save a little.

Make a budget and keep track!

If you’re aware of your spending, you’ll be more likely to cut corners. Easier said than done, though. My corners are so closely shaved sometimes, I could fall under the cheapskate category. I think.

Courtesy of www.newsweek.com

Buy things that last.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but you might be surprised how often you find yourself buying things that are poorly made or disposable. Invest in sturdy stuff that can be handed down from generation to generation (or at least from baby to baby). This is my main principal in buying most baby stuff but I still would not buy the most expensive item in the market. Just a good enough one that can at least last for a few years.

Shop the clearance rack.

This is basically what I do with all my daughter’s clothes. I only buy clothes that are around RM5-RM10. I’d usually buy a few sizes bigger to maximise wear. Some clothes she could only wear properly now because previously we had to fold up her pants so she wouldn’t trip on them. But we saved some RM, that’s the main point.

Get a piggy bank.

I’d prefer another animal, but you get the idea. Toss in your loose change every day, slide in a dollar (or five) now and then, and you just might find yourself with a vacation fund in the near future.

Before you buy it, be sure you NEED IT.

Lots of first-time parents complain about winding up with tons of unused gear and goods. Ask friends and family about their own experience and preference. I got some pretty valuable advice from my mom, mom-in-law and friends. There are plenty of baby checklists available on the Net, but you don’t have to buy all of them, all at once.

Don’t get emotional.

Okay, so this is easier said than done when those pregnancy hormones are running wild, but try not to shop when you’re feeling super sentimental. (This applies to daddies-to-be too.) The excitement can easily lead to over-shopping for baby. Believe me, I’ve been there. We do have some pretty bibs and caps and ribbons that we hardly use. What a pity.

Ask for stuff.

My aunts, cousins and sisters asked me what we might need for the baby, so we don’t end with twos of everything. One that we did have a double is the baby bouncer, which of course, we used only one. We also got another diaper bag exactly like the one we bought, only in different colours. I used one for the nursery, and the other one for weekend outings.

Buy the best diapers you can afford.

The store brand diapers may be less expensive, but you’ll likely save money in the long run by avoiding the cleanups and thrown out clothes that result from cheap diaper mishaps. I used Mamy Poko diapers, which I think are the most expensive in the market, just for night use as they are really absorbent. My daughter can wear it for 12 hours, sometimes more, without leakage and nappy rash.

There you go, tons of ways to save! Do you have any tips and ideas of your own? Come and share them here!