Monday, July 6, 2009

How to cope with two

Courtesy of

I’m currently 5 and ½ months pregnant, and somewhat apprehensive about the soon-coming of our second baby. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for this gift; God must have known that I could handle this. But I’m not so sure! My last pregnancy was 15 months ago, but it couldn’t have felt more different than the first time around. I am much more tired than before, having to put up with Aliah, who’s pretty much still a baby herself. All the tantrums, the mess, the running here and there, I’m left breathless with an aching back most of the time.

My husband surprisingly asked me the other day “Are all babies really this messy? Or is it just our daughter?” after Aliah successfully got herself smeared in rice, fish and crackers. Not to mention the mess within a meter radius around her high chair. No, make that two meters. I was like come on, how can you expect a baby to be clean and tidy all the time, I mean at any time? To babies, mess equals fun! I tried to comfort my husband by saying that in the midst of all the mess, she’s actually learning something. “I don’t care what she’s learning, I just vacuumed the house!” Okay, time to shut up.

But really, we’re both up in our wits to the max, how in the world are we going to handle another bundle of mess-making, tantrum-yelling, poop-producing joy? I simply cannot imagine. Oh, I can imagine the state of the house then, but I can’t imagine how I’m going to keep myself from going insane when I’m already at the verge of insanity and tears.

Okay, okay, you might think that I’m exaggerating this a little. There are millions of people in the world who have more than one child. But it’s little hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you already feel like you’re at the end of your patience most of the time. I mean, parenting is hard work. Literally. I still go through some not-so-smooth-sleep nights now that Aliah’s 15 months old. So how’s it going to be when the baby arrives, won’t I be able to sleep a wink? (Like I’ve mentioned before, sleep is a luxury to tired and energy-starved moms.) Sometimes I can’t even go to the toilet in peace, with Aliah wailing outside the door. (She usually wails in despair whenever she sees me leaving her.) Again, the nervousness and anxiety pops in. Can I be a good mother to both of them? What if I turn out to favour one of them? I’ve already poured so much love into Aliah, will I be able to love them equally?

Then I accidentally came across this article on coping with two and helping siblings to bond in Babycentre UK. It talks about how to prepare your toddler for the baby, how to treat them as individuals and not to compare them, how to teach the older sister or brother to help care and love the younger sibling and of course, that sibling rivalry will happen, to a certain degree. It even mentioned that some experts say that sibling rivalry is an opportunity for our children to learn the skills they’ll need in their future relationships. Have a read, it might put some worries at ease for second-time parents.

As for me, some skepticism still remains. I’ve learned by experience that parenthood is nothing like what’s mentioned in books. But don’t worry too much, it’ll definitely be the greatest adventure you’ll ever have.

1 comment:

  1. Hello Mommy.. you are not alone.. I only have 1 so far... and I already sort of 'complaining(??)'.. But actually .. I always thinking can I handle with 2?? oww... It's not easyyyy.... :-D

    All the best in parenting... all the best to me too ;-p

    Visiting your blog :-)


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